Then I got mad at myself for feeling that kind of entitlement...that I could just buy my way in. As I was beating myself up for being an entitled jerk, I remembered it is pretty clear there is more than one way to buy your way in ($2000 for a 2.25 day training camp, not including lodging anyone????)
So I got over it.
As always, Suman provided the real insight to what's going on here.
Last year, on a whim, on my first try, I got into Leadville from the lottery. Getting the email transformed me in many ways. I'm not a huge believer in fate, but it certainly seems that the universe was not only telling me something, but giving me what I needed as a cyclist and as a human when I needed it.
This year I need to qualify. Put some more sweat in, get myself organized, and earn my place at the corner of 6th and Harrison. Maybe I need that race in Lake Tahoe to make me fast. Maybe I need the trip to let the fam have some time to themselves. Maybe I need to connect with new and old friends. Maybe I need to be transformed again.
Time to dig deep!